Just One Big Mess That Is Me

I am a woman, a wife, a mother. I am a sister, a friend, a stranger to some and someone some may want to know. I am the crazy mom, the helicopter mom, the bitch the drives her kid insane trying to protect her child. The woman who lives in constant fear of losing her loved ones and regretting not doing enough with them. I am the wife who often has mood swings that drive my husband insane. I am a WOMAN! What can I say for myself other than I am a woman? No excuse, nothing or no one to blame. I AM A WOMAN.

Such a shame hormones play into the part for us all though. I by far have the worst one, by the way, especially this month for whatever reason. I think I have consumed enough calories in the month of August and the few days of September to hold me over until January 2018. I kid you not! I have PCOS and have had it for over 20 years I imagine. I have been taking metformin for four years and I just recently forgot to take it for an entire month or two. Like an idiot, I pay the price for it with extra weight and ovarian cyst. JUST LOVELY!

I think the stress from my daughter starting school and me ready to knock out some in-laws has really pushed the hormones over the edge, I mean, I really have gone overboard with the sweets recently. Those damn sour straw, sour punch candies have been my best friend/worst enemy lately. I love them damn things!!! They are SO GOOD!!!!

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Then I found my daughters M&M’s and it was if I found a million bucks. I practically devoured the entire contents of that tube of mini M&M’s. It could have had contents of shit and pepper involved and it would not have even mattered because it was gone in a matter of seconds. I have been like a sugar idiot running around looking for anything sugar-coated and sweet to lick on, chew up and eat for over a month now. I’m losing my effing mind and I know it with my side of my mind that’s still as effed up as the other side…okay? I hope I’m going to be alright…???

Anyway, as you can tell my ADHD meds don’t work so great when the hormones fail miserably. It’s as if the medicine and hormones hate me all at once. That’s when I need my medicine to work the hardest and they decide to bail and be an asshole. It’s horrible and it really sucks ass but its life and its mine so I suck it up and complain wherever I can 🙂 I could use an extra dose of meds right now because I’m trying to focus on writing and my husband is snoring, team umi zumi found a parrot and my daughter is kicking me in her sleep…shoot me already!

I think it is time for me to stop some of the sugar I’ve been indulging on so much and try to replace it with fruit. My ovarian cyst got a huge this month and ruptured and I had a couple of deliriously painful days. It was awful and I still had to be mom and wife none the less. Not fun at all! I also worked hard to try to lose the weight I had lost just to gain in back in consuming sour punch candy and anything sugary…NEGATIVE!!! CAN”T HAVE THAT! Time to work on getting back to normal….or semi-normal. What the hell is normal? Never been normal before so….

If you have PCOS and have experienced the sugar cravings and weight gain and all the negative stuff that comes with it, I feel ya! If you have found a way to conquer it….please share with me your secret. Metformin helps keep my cyst from growing too big and helps with some of the sugar cravings. Sometimes I think the dose is too much or not enough and I think I wish they had more information and research on this syndrome. It sucks! Having PCOS and ADHD along side fibromyalgia and other health issues aren’t even fun. They all suck big time and they are painful physically and mentally. They all make me one big insane mommy and then my medicines even bail on me and make me more insane :/  Just call me the insane mommy…..hormonally challenged and reckless if you will.

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