As I sit here thinking about motherhood and how much it has changed in my 35 years; I can’t help but wonder where did we all go wrong? All the things that I do today and all the things my mom used to do seems so distant in nature to each other. I try to raise my daughter the way I want to raise her but I also want to raise her a little bit like I was. I like how things were when I was being brought up and I want that for my daughter. Things seemed tough back then but you either got with the program and learned the routine or you just sucked and failed at life. It seems we are all treating our kids like babies for far too long and they are paying for it in the long run.
I brought my daughter to our local fair this past weekend and it hit me like a ton of bricks. My mom who I thought hovered and was strict was only that way in my older years. She had to be then but she wasn’t so much when I was younger. I ran into my life long friend there and our two daughters ended up riding some of the rides together. Thankfully they had the time to spare because my daughter went on a few rides and then pretended she needed me to go on the other ones she wanted to ride. It was as if she didn’t know how to function without being attached to me and that was scary and it angered me.
She wanted to ride these little trucks that are connected in a train-like form and it’s for babies and small kids to ride. She stood there and put her head down and did not want to get on the ride. She wanted me to get on with her. Mind you, I couldn’t fit one-half of an ass cheek in those baby truck things. The guy that worked the ride was an asshole and I’m sure if he wouldn’t have been so harsh to her, she would have gotten in and rode. Needless to say, she did not ride that ride at all. There were three other times she wanted to ride something and went to get on and then decided against it at the last-minute because I couldn’t ride with her or because she wanted to just be with me.
As my daughter and my friend’s daughter were in this castle thing with a ball pit and climbing shit, I was telling her about how she cried the time before when she went in there. She cried the year before and the guy had to go in and get her and bring her back to me. This year she was reminded of what happened last year and still insisted on going and then ended up doing the same damn thing again. I was telling her how I was going to go ape shit crazy if she cried this time she went in with her little girl. And just when I finish telling her about it all, my kid starts crying. Luckily enough my friend’s daughter convinced her to keep climbing and continue on. She had so much fun after that she went again with no issues. Such a brave little toaster she became!
As we sit there discussing our mothers compared to us, there is a major difference. I am the crazy, sick, seriously mental helicopter mom and my friend isn’t quite as bad but she is worse than what her mom was. So am I! How dare I even do that to my child and even go as far as to do that to myself??? I thought my mom was so mean but turns out my mom let us kids tend and fend for ourselves a whole lot more than what I would even be willing to let my kid do a foot away from me on a leash…feel me?
Here I am taking pictures and video of every single move my kid makes and going crazy on her dad when he doesn’t WATCH HER RIDE the ride and WAVE to her. And I wonder why she’s the way she is….IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF ME!! Do you think my mom and dad sat at the festival snapping photos and waving like a bunch of idiots at me on the rides? I don’t think so! Do you think I even cared if my parents watched me ride or waved…I think not! I wasn’t that crazy and neither were my parents.
Our parents used to sit back at a distance and allow things to play out and watch and observe. They allowed us to have problems, attempt to solve problems, and fail miserably; therefore we learned a lot from the experience. These days kids can’t even function without an adult’s help for even the tiniest thing they do. It drives me insane that I see this happening and also because I am part of the problem as well.
For example, my daughter is CONSTANTLY bringing Barbie and friends to me to put their clothes on. I keep telling her she needs to do this herself. Do you honestly think my mother stopped what she was doing to create the perfect wardrobe for Barbie? HELL NO!! I had to learn how to dress them dolls and struggle to do it BY MY SELF or it wasn’t getting done. SIMPLE AS THAT! No way was my mom going to dress Barbie because I couldn’t hold her hair and snap her shirt at the same time. Like what?! My Barbie dolls would have been in the garbage or something.
My kids and many others do not like to struggle to do things for themselves. I get it! I don’t either, but you have to keep trying in order to learn to figure it out for yourself. It’s that simple. I will help assist you but I am not doing it for you. I have people in the family who I will not name that will do anything for my child not to lift a finger :/ GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!! That teaches her to be lazy and I DO NOT want that! She may bitch and moan trying to do something but it will pay off in the end. She will learn to do it on her own and then she will be fine.
I swear we shelter these young in’s too much and I guess in a way this world is forcing us parents to HAVE to in some ways. It sucks ass big time! I enjoyed my childhood and I want my daughter to enjoy hers as much as I did mine. I want her to learn how to solve problems, dress Barbie, dress herself better, and do all sorts of wonderful things without needed me to hold her hand. We raise our children to go out and be good and descent people without us one day. To be able to thrive and learn and do things good without needing our help doing them. It seemed so much easier for my parents to sit back and let me live at a young age than it is for me with my daughter.
Maybe one day when all the world is right, we might actually be able to let go a little easier and hold on a little tighter in a different kind of way. Let them grow up and still be little all at once. Be independent and still need us as parents and know the difference between what they NEED us for and WANT us to do for them. Yesterdays mom was a better mom. I think I need to try to be more like that mom, my mom 🙂