I can’t seem to apologize enough for my absence but I promise I have a good reason. I have been dealing with issues surrounding my family and they have been heartbreaking, to say the least. Seems the devil has been attacking my entire family for some reason and I’m not accepting it ONE BIT! He is trying to divide in some areas, destroy, knock down and bring poverty and illness and even death to my family and I will not stand for it! NOT ONE SINGLE BIT!!!!
I know God has a plan and I am aware of trials that we are meant to face in times of tribulation but the devil is running around crazy these days and I’m about to send him straight back to hell where he belongs. I have had enough of the pain he has inflicted upon my loved ones and I think it’s time to show him who runs the show around here. I guess he forgot who wins in the end and no matter how things play out here on earth…GOD IS THE WINNER AND HE IS KING AND LORD OF ALL!!!
I have been going through my own trials for a while now and I have struggled since having my daughter with bouts of mild depression here and there and some anxiety. I have PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) from everything I experienced after having my daughter and then learning of her heart defect the day after. I started to suffer more so after her open heart surgery and every time she gets sick or has something traumatic go on with her it only makes it worse.
Around two months after my daughters first birthday, I found a lump in my right breast while bathing. I thought it may have been something from breastfeeding for the short time that I did but I still had it checked out. I went into it thinking it was more than likely nothing but I was scared none the less because all of my mother’s aunts had passed away in their 50’s from breast cancer. I learned that it was indeed a mass from the ultrasound and had to have it removed and get a biopsy. Thankfully the tumor was non-cancerous and the whole mass was removed anyway.
The trauma I have experienced isn’t the same as someone else’s but it is enough for me to have PTSD. I haven’t gone in-depth on the whole situation on my daughter’s surgery and recovery and the time leading up to her surgery but it was enough to throw me off for my lifetime. Our financial situation and living situation is hell on us and very stressful on top of my daughter’s health, my health and my husbands. We have tons of stress in our daily life and Lord knows we need a break indeed.
On top of everything, recently my older brother and his family’s house caught fire and burned down. Luckily enough no one was home when it happened. Unfortunately, they lost everything but a few things and they have no home and need to start over again with 2 kids but we are forever grateful that they are all alive and still a family of four and no one was hurt or worse. Months before the same brother was in a terrible car accident to which he thankfully walked away from when if looking at the scene you wouldn’t have thought it possible.
My younger brother and his wife are expecting baby #4, a little girl any day now and they have 1 boy and 2 girls anxiously waiting at home. All of them caught the flu just recently and then my nephew had a relapse after getting rid of it. Both my brother and his pregnant wife caught the flu as well which is really sucky if you have that many kids and they are sick too. Kind of rough waiting on a new baby to come into your family with the flu all around you and on top of it all…NO WORK. Hard to find work for most right now but contract welding is something you have to go out and find on the regular.
Besides all that, my brother in laws job is coming to an end and he is looking for work before his job is over and all my sibling are struggling somehow in some way or another. They are either sick, or hurting, or dealing with a financial burden. To top it all off, our daddy had another heart attack this past Saturday. It was a mild one but it was indeed another one. He had his first heart attack ten years ago and was in congestive heart failure due to complications from pneumonia. While in the hospital for the first heart attack, he had another one while in there.
My dad was put on medicine and was doing fine for years. The medicine was helping his overall heart function and was working great. He is also a diabetic and we recently found out he is in renal failure. His kidneys are failing as well. It was also 5 years ago he had his second round of heart attacks. It was exactly 5 years that he was in the hospital in ICU because he went in with a minor heart attack and then had a major heart attack the next day or later that night. He looked awful and the last time scared me and I thought it was over and his doctor said he shouldn’t have survived either heart attack and has no idea how he did but didn’t think he would survive another.
My dad was released from the hospital to go home Monday before 12 PM and he survived by the grace of God yet another heart attack!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!
This time my dad was vomiting and had back and chest pain whereas the other ones were silent heart attacks. He has a little trouble breathing when walking but other than that he has been and still is nonsymptomatic. He has been having blockages for a long time now and it seems things may be getting worse or it may be time to take some serious measures. Some of these “measures” are risky and extremely scary and could be all he wrote…I am NOT happy about this but I am NOT giving up the fight!
Today, well yesterday as of thirteen minutes ago, was my dads 61st birthday. It was a joy to call him up and wish him another one knowing five years ago he was just getting moved out of ICU because of his last major heart attack…to which doctors were amazed and had no idea how he survived it. God is amazing! He is not done with him yet! I pray he had many many many many many more birthdays here with us to share and it scares me to even have to worry about such a thing but I know I have to have faith in Gods plan.
I also woke up yesterday to sick cat and that didn’t help all the other issues at all. She was dragging ass and it scared me to see her that way because she is never that way. Then she was drooling excessively and that was very odd on top of her being a bit delirious. My first instinct was to give her some milk and she drank a good bit and laid down and took a nap. I left to go visit my parent and when I came back…good as new! Like nothing had happened to her! I was so happy but I was scared too.
This morning. well yesterday morming when leaving to bring my daughter to school, I was concerned with not seeing her outside or seeing her bad off or worse when leaving. The minute we stepped outside she was on the steps and full of spunk and she was better than ever. A spitfire, full of life and feeling amazing according to how she was acting. I brought my daughter to school and came home and twenty minutes later I go outside and there is vomit on the cement and I can’t find my Ali Cat anywhere and she won’t respond to my call.
I had an 11 AM doctors appointment and it’s around 9:45 when I head to the car and I see her walking. I call to her and she doesn’t turn to look at me but stops to acknowledge she heard me and then keeps on going. I can see drool dripping off her chin and I know she is sick and she continues to walk and I still call her. She never stops. She goes drink water out of a bucket next door and I have to carry her back home and get my husband to get her to drink as much milk as possible because I have to head out for my appointment.
Needless to say, my blood pressure was elevated this visit and if it continues I have to get on meds for it…satan sucks! It was only 140/80 but mine is usually low or perfect. My heart rate is always higher than normal but I take Vyvanse for ADHD so that makes it go up some but has never affected my blood pressure. Too much stress! I need to chill more and stress less but if only it were as easy as it sounded.
Anyway, when I got back home, Ali Cat was not 100% herself but close enough and I am so confused as to what the hell is going on with her and I am scared to be quite honest. I love that cat that showed up here as a little kitty and never left. I don’t know what she’s getting herself into but she better stop so I can see her face all the time. I just wish I can have her inside 🙁
On a good note, today is Friday and I am sure tons of you are happy and I am losing my mind because I am exhausted. Please please please keep my family and especially my daddy in your prayers for supernatural healing. God is still in the miracle-working business no matter the size of it. I hope to be able to write again very soon and I hope to keep everyone posted.
My dad and I when he was in ICU back in 2012 for his mild and major heart attack episode. Same time of year as this last one too. LOVE YOU, DADDY!